Constructive Deconstruction

At night.

December 7, 2007 on 5:23 am | In Journal Entry | No Comments

Her smile, her laughter, her voice. It calms him. It makes him grin endlessly. It causes the stars to shine somewhat brighter. The breeze suddenly seems colder. The world suddenly more joyful. Images of a world that truly lives would fill his head and remind him of what life really is. He knows that he lies when he says the world rests on his shoulders and its his duty to make it better - he’d gladly trade it all just to make her smile…just to spend eternity lost in her eyes.

And then it happens. Like always.

The boy shuts his eyes and the past catches up with the present like a hungry beast waiting to devour fresh blood - the heart being especially scrumptuous.

It ambushes him, stares him in the eye and whispers gibberish words, “Howdifferentareyou?Dopeoplechange?Oppositesattract,complementarylasts. Peopledon’tchange. Differentbackgroundswon’tmatch. Itsmorethanaboutlove. It’saboutculture. It’saboutfamily. Itsaboutrace. Itsaboutreligion. Itsaboutwhatsthesameandwhatsdifferent. It’saboutallthepeoplearoundyou. Lookatyourself. Whodoyouthinkyouare? Whatdoyoureallyhave? Ifithappensithappens. Doyouwantittohappen? Youreapatientkid. Youcanwaitforevercantyou? Youhaveyourmothersemotionalweaknesses. Youhaveyourfathersreservedvoice. Youwilleatyourselffromtheinside. Iwouldntevenhavetotrytobreakyoudown. Yourinsecuritiesareendless. Onyourownyourealreadyabitchtolistento. Yourefeelinglonely. Andyouwantsomethingyoualmostknowyoucannothave. “

“Stop. Don’t think,” the boy mutters to himself.

The beast smiles. It strokes the boy’s hair gently and sinks its teeth deep into him where it hurts most, “Youwillalwaysfeelunworthyhahaha”

The boy snaps,
“Silence!
You will not do this me!
You will not do this to me.
You…will…not…
…please.”

And as quickly as it came, it disappeared.

Then the stars seemed to shine brighter.
A breeze blew into his room.
And the world…more joyful.