[Reproduced] Sealed Lips
January 31, 2008 on 3:12 pm | In Note To Self, Random | No CommentsI got this from a friend’s blog. I don’t know if right to link to her so i’ll just reproduce it here…
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You gain experiences as you grow older. In fact, the more exposure you have to different situations, the more knowledge you would have accumulated.
In primary school, you learn that some kids don’t have to study that hard to get number one in class. Those are the smart kids. Also, boys at that age are too immature to know how to show their affection towards you. Instead of writing you cards, they tend to call you names, just to get your attention.
Then at secondary school, you have to decide which clique of friends to join, since there are so many different types– the low-profile, the punks, the bullies (both male and female), the studious and the playful. It is also at that stage that you start getting seriously interested in the opposite sex. Love letters would be passed around, secret glances and gossips galore.
Moving on to college, some of your relatives might have passed away. Some of them could be close and dear to you. You become part of the group that will mourn for the departed. Your name appears in the obituary section as one of those who will miss the deceased. You become more concerned about your future career life. The pressure kicks in. You wonder if you will grow up useful at all.
And along the way, you will see or hear things that you know you can never repeat to some of the people closest to your heart. You carry it like a weight, a burden. You wish you could burst out and say what it is. You yearn to confront the secret itself and make it less shameful, less worrying. But because it is a dark secret, you can only carry it alone.
You, the lonely bearer.
Your lips are sealed.
Feeling Lucky
January 17, 2008 on 7:06 pm | In Note To Self | No Comments
Sitting in a cafe with good music in your ears at the end of a long day is one of the best feeling one could ask for. Short of spending it with your special someone, it’s like having the world just pass you by and invisible wind blow in your face telling you that you’ve earned this day.
It makes me wonder about the nature of struggles. It’s something so gut-wrenching but it’s so satisfying at the same time. Yet, if you fall too deeply in love with that feeling, you end up becoming an adrenaline junkie doing things simply for the thrill. “Fight hard” they say. But we also need to pick our battles.
I’m here.
Every day has become a momentous day for me. Each one reminding me that, ever since I made the decision to take the non-mainstream path towards my future, what I do today is truly a defining moment. Through my glasses I see a world that’s so full of hope. A world where people are excited to live. A world where people can’t wait to lunge forward towards happiness. A world that can’t wait to heal itself regardless of the cost.
Maybe it’s just the first couple of days of 2008 and i’m still filled with the optimism that this year will be a year of good things for people. Yes. I say that despite all the talks of sanctions in Iran, recession in the States, price hikes and crazy inflation in Singapore, and violence Kenya.
I’m here in a cafe.
A place that i’ve grown accustomed to since I was in my early secondary school days. A place where I found many first loves - that bittersweet taste of coffee, that bittersweet taste of romance and most recently that bittersweet taste of dreams. I think one day after achieving all that i’ve set out to achieve, all I really want is to own a coffee joint where I can hang around with the customers over a cup and maybe listen to their stories for the day. Heck, maybe they’d hear my stories too. =)
I’m here in a cafe writing and fantasizing about the days to come…
and I feel really lucky to be alive.
Resetting my body clock to it’s default setting
January 15, 2008 on 7:57 am | In Note To Self | 1 Comment
I was up early today. Exceptionally so because I can see my friends slowly come alive on my MSN and the “Good Morning” greetings on the ping.sg shoutbox.
On other mornings, I witness the same things too but today I can say, “I’m up early” because I actually slept earlier(and got up way too early too) in an attempt to restore my body clock to its factory default settings. The super late nights(to the point that it’s already day) has been taking a toll on my body but what concerns me more is how I think it’s taking a toll on my mind.
It feels cluttered and full like the present state of my room. It feels tired all the time. It’s one thing when the body is weak but the mind is still able to function and show you what needs to be done. It’s completely different when you sit there and try to think and all you get is this mush of thoughts that’s analogous to mashed potato slowly oozing out of its container…complete with the slushy sound. It’s disgustingly slow and it doesn’t make sense.
I’ve been a lot more emotional these past few days too. I’ve had bouts of complete insecurity mixed with pessimism towards my personal outlook( how can one be so genuinely optimistic professionally yet have little optimism for himself?). Ok, that’s pretty common but it’s worse recently. And I hate it how it comes just before I go to bed…the worse way to go to sleep is with that yucky feeling of if-i-disappeared-no-one-would-notice feeling. It just plain sucks.
I should be going for a run right about now but i’m afraid that i’d be pushing too hard to change my sleep cycle. I might just end up tiring myself too fast, and fall asleep later in the afternoon…And that’s something I can’t afford to do with so many planned rollouts in the weeks to come.
Maybe I just need stronger coffee.
Or maybe I need a stronger kick in the ass today.
Reservist HQ CQ Checklist
December 8, 2007 on 11:40 am | In Note To Self | 2 CommentsIf you’re a Company Quartermaster of a Rifle Battalion HQ and going in for reservist anytime soon, i’ve decided to compile a list of things to do to make the logistics administration a lot smoother. Hope it’s useful for all those holding the same appointment as myself.
A few things to note:-
- No specific references to command structure will be written in this entry due to potental security breaches.
- If anyone from the security branch is monitoring this and feels that this entry should be taken down, please notify me via email. Please don’t charge me…I only want to improve this 3G Army of ours.
- This list may be useful to CQs of the other rifle companies as well although it will need some slight modifications.
- This list is compiled with reference to myself so it might not be an accurate reflection of your command structure. Again, modify and adapt.
Things to do immediately after In-Processing:-
- Establish Chain of Command.
You will only be answerable to your CSM although you will work closely with the RQMS as well. Everyone else should only be offering advice or making requests. - Obtain the nominal roll of the batallion
Find out how many people are active. From the list, extract the following:-
- How many people on muslims, non-muslims and vegetarian diets?
- How people in each platoon?
- Who is trained in what weapons?
- Who is not allowed to handle weapons?
- Any special cases? - Taking Over of Logistics from Active Unit
- Find out who’s in charge and get him to pass all documents so that you can plan how you’re going to inspect and take over all buildings and equipment. - Obtain the Training Programme
You’re going to need this to estimate what kind of equipment, food and transport for the entire training period. More importantly, it also tells you when your deadline to prepare those 3 things. Yes DEADline. If you screw up(food especially), people are going to go without enough food and water. You DO NOT want to responsible for such a screw up. - Plan how you’re going to take over
It’s essential to plan how you’re going to take over and who you’re going to assign this to. A messy take over means you’re going to screw up and pay(literally) big time at the end of ICT. You DO NOT want to leave ICT a poorer citizen than you already are.
Things to do after In-Processing(and whatever stuff you’re told to do)
- Brief your men.
It’s important to lay out your expectations of them during the ICT. Truth is, it’s more important to show them that no one wants to be there so it’ll be imperative for everyone to cooperate and help each other. Don’t try to be a smartass and go, "This is our duty as a citizen."My motto is simple, "No one wants to be here. So let’s get our job done right and fuck off."
- Assign various individuals duties for the handing/taking over process.
Self explanatory - Establish a routine for the entire ICT
Depending on your staffing, you may have an excess of men under your charge. Obviously it’s not efficient to have 10 men be doing admin duties all the time, so rotate. Tell them exactly which day(s) and time(s) they’re down for duty. BE SPECIFIC. All conscripts are creative people and will find potential loopholes in your instructions to exploit. Yes, even I do that.
Once you’re done with all the above, everything else should be based on the needs of that training programme so think on your feet. A few pointers:-
- Respect your men. Don’t look down on them.
The downfall of most commanders is that they assume they’re smarter and more responsible than the men. Truth is the commanders are usually the textbook scholarly smart asses and the men have real world experiences. They’ve probably gone through a plethora of real world problems that you and I can only imagine. So listen to them. Tap on their experience. - As a commander, you are responsbile for your men.
This means, if your men screw up, and your superior fucks you, you jolly well get fucked. Don’t be a finger-pointer and go, "Sir, I told them to do it already but they didn’t do it properly." You’re a commander. You get fucked. You fuck your men later. If you finger point, you’re a wuss. You only achieve 2 things:-
- You’re a failure at controlling your men.
- You don’t have the balls to take responsibility.…Finger point and try to shift blame to your men and you’ll quickly lose their respect. If you need to finger point, do it only to protect them.
- Always remember, "No one wants to be there."
So don’t try to be some "garang" soldier. Just because you have some fantasy, don’t expect everyone to share your fantasy. You’ll only end up doing tons of unnecessary things that make you feel ‘hero-ic’(like some Brad Pitt) but makes everyone else hate you.If need be, be garang only in your own outfit.
My motto for this in-camp training is the same as all the times I don green - Be a SAFOS* - "Serve And Fuck Off Soldier"
There should be a list of tips for the Out-Processing procedures but this is only my 2nd ICT so i’m still quite a noob. Maybe i’ll write that next year!
So yeah, if anyone has anything to add, please leave a comment.
* SAFOS is officially short for Singapore Armed Forces Overseas Scholar.
Reminder to self
September 2, 2007 on 2:26 am | In Note To Self | No Comments…I have to remind myself to blog like no one is reading again. This constant self-censorship is killing my expression. bleagh.
Next Phase
July 16, 2007 on 8:51 pm | In Note To Self | No CommentsWith my acceptance of Project AlphaLink, I know that i’ve maxed out the number of projects that I can commit myself to. Naturally, the question becomes, “What’s next?”
And I already know the answer…It’s time to follow through. I remember having a conversation with my father about a year ago about one of the weaknesses of the Malays and realised that this weakness might be one that’s prevalent in many people too - The lack of follow through.
Ok…my notebook batt is dying…i might edit this post later in the night…
An angel on earth
June 13, 2007 on 10:12 am | In Note To Self, videos | No CommentsMy thanks goes to aaronkoh for finding this.
This is why I’m Single
June 11, 2007 on 5:06 pm | In Note To Self | 8 Comments
| "I, you know, I don’t know if I can describe it, I don’t know if you could ever really describe why you love somebody or why you are committed to somebody, but, you know, I thought we complemented each other in lots of ways, but I also thought that, um, we cared deeply about a lot of the same things. I mean, it’s real corny. It wasn’t as corny 20 years ago as it is for some people now to say that, Bill and I really are bound together in part because we believe we have an obligation to give something back and to be part of making life better for other people." -Hillary Clinton on her relationship with Bill Clinton in a 1992 interview |
Reading that from "The Choice" by Bob Woodward. It feels like an uncannily familiar feeling i’ve had for a friend of mine for the longest time. Anyhow, i write this because I’m on the topic of relationships, friendships and professionalism…
I had tea with my family at Vivo delifrance yesterday and somewhere during the conversations that transpired was my mom tell me that she can help me find a girlfriend if I wanted her help. At that juncture, I was stuck between laughing my socks off and feeling insulted that i’m seen as such a mommy’s boy. Either way, I told my parents, "I want a girl that’s driven. Not CEO kind of driven because then she’s always be trying to override me just because she’s got to be better than I am. Instead, I want someone that’s executive kind of driven…without that super strong conviction of chasing after her own dream - simply because her own is vague. Vague enough to fuse with mine. But strong enough to not be so weak."
That really got me thinking. What kind of girl do I really want? What’s my idea of a relationship? After my previous relationship, it really redefined my priorities. And I think it would be prudent that I write these out. I think I shall list them…
1. A person’s dream is what defines him. I must not compromise in this area. If someone falls for me, it’s largely because of that idealism that I represent - that impossible dream that i’m also trying to realise. If I lose my dream, I would become a different person..and in that, the relationship would fail for I would no longer be who she fell for. She will accept me and the madness that I am - complete with the emo moments and inspirational speeches.
2. I would so love for both of us to be pillars for each other to lean on…but…we would both have to stand on our own two feet. No standing on each other’s feet…although I suspect, we’d step on each other’s toes from time to time.
3. Don’t take it too seriously. If she’s going to leave, she’ll leave sooner or later. But for me, i’ll give it all I have while she’s around. No regrets.
4. She must want to live more than anything else. It’s not enough to settle. Not enough that she wants to just get by. She has to want to look out far beyond the horizon. Maybe even take a step out into the unknown. If she doesn’t want to live, she’s going to have it really tough trying to understand me and it’s hard enough trying to do that even if you’re driven to live. Besides, I can’t bear someone simply tolerating me. If you love, love. If don’t, it’s ok. I’ll survive.
At this point, I’m not sure if i’m being realistic anymore. But then again, I’ve never been realistic now have I?
P.S. after tea with my family, we went to Daiso at Vivo where I saw so many Japanese babies. They were cute. But I realised their mommies were so cute too! Omg! This feels so wrong! What makes it worse is I didn’t see their husbands with them…lol
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