Constructive Deconstruction

Rethinking work-life balance

I’m half way through “Tough Choices” by Carly Fiorina(the former CEO of HP) and one part of the book talked about how HP was, at one point, too isolated from their competition. They were so focused on internal yardsticks that they failed to measure themselves against their competition leading to slowing growth while all their competitors were moving at an ever increasing pace.

One thing mentioned was how just before Carly was appointed, the outgoing CEO Lew Platt was overly focused on work-life harmony within the organisation. I’ve always been a champion of this. But it got me thinking…

Is there a difference between work-life harmony and work-life integration?

Now, I know the latter sounds like it means you give up your “life” and have it revolve only around work. But I’m really referring to the concept of having work meaningful to the point that it becomes something that’s just part of how people want to live.

I think the biggest gift one can give to people is the satisfaction of achieving something that’s just beyond their reach. It enlarges people. It makes them grow and it empowers them to go for greater things in other areas of their life. Empowerment and confidence not only affects the individual but it also affects their families…and their children especially.

Should leaders be trying to put work and life on a scale? Or should they be trying to make meaning of their work?

Now, that’s a question I need to ask myself too.

Tanjong Beach

the waves softly caressing the beach
a sustained moment of rhythmic crashing
the breeze in everyone’s hair
running her fingers while softly undressing

silent giggle from afar
loud passionate moments abound
lights in the distance
do more to blind than astound

trees dancing to the midnight music
shaking, swaying…moving
a natural backdrop to a picturesque moment
capturing a peace of love
and a slice of lust

-Ridz
3.07am

Of old wounds healed but not forgotten.

Several months ago, I stumbled upon the facebook profile of the sibling of an old friend of mine. We’d probably met several times before and so I decided to click that “add” button. I don’t know why I did it considering I wasn’t very close to her.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a response. I had even genuinely asked how things were coming along. I figured, she must have clicked the ‘ignore’ button.

Somehow it saddens me.

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If you’re wondering why the dark theme, I’m in a rather sorry state right now. Professionally, things are going really well. I get my job done, I put on a smile, I strut around as if nothing in the world mattered more than pursuing ideas of world domination. Along the way, I even try to help people achieve theirs. Once in a while, I even want to give back to society.

But the truth is, I’m becoming increasingly isolated. I’ve become extremely envious of my own friends who are so much closer to each other than I am to them. It reminds me of a time when I had a good friend. He was someone I confided much of my worries with. Alas, a time came when it became rather clear that such regard was one-way.

It was then that I realised that just because someone is my friend doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m theirs.

It was a sad realisation.

And somehow it’s something i’m re-feeling all over again…I was deeply saddened when a good friend of mine and I had a miscommunication of sorts and he insinuated that I only went for events to network. Sure. That has some truth. I do go to events for work so that I can get in touch with people from similar industries. But we were talking about my closest friends here. For someone from the inside to make such a suggestion, it just crushed me.

It was then that I came to a few more disappointing realisations about the nature of my relationships with the people that mattered most to me…

Perhaps it’s a result of everyone moving on to a new phase in their lives.
Or maybe it’s just how different our lifestyles are.
Or it could be that it’s just how things are meant to be.

Either way, the part of me that matters most seems to be becoming more isolated. Compartmentalised. Like a beautifully locked box with a brittle key.

Note: I know I’d private entries that were accessible to certain registered users. Well, I’ve stopped blogging private entries and have instead taken my private blogging elsewhere and under a pseudonym. Sorry. I needed my anonymity back.

and so the sun has set. And I feel like i’m back right where I started.

I need to learn to suck it up. I can’t have everything I want.

A year in reflection

This year has been kind of slow. While people have been celebrating various successes, i feel like i’ve fallen short of my own expectations.

In trying to pursue the things i’ve set out to start, i’ve succeeded in starting most of them but few are worth mentioning. If anything, 2008 should be the year where these projects begin to blossom.

2007 will also pass after leavining me many new discoveries and realisations about myself and the people around me. Now more than before, i’ve begun to treasure family and my close friends. It’s come to the point where despite my insecurities or an inability to help out, i’ve realised that it’s important to at least tell them how much they matter to me. My family has been through a lot this year both as individuals and as a family unit…and more seems to be on the way.

This year has also been the year where I struggled between blogging and diary-writing. Reading back my archives(which still haven’t been fully ported over), i realised that much of my blogging life usually revolves around a girl. It’s been kind of an emo kid phase that i’m trying to break out of. But this year, i’ve been a tad more objective in my blogging. Especially after being part of ping.sg, the blog no longer became a fully personal space anymore - people from the community who read my blog are actually people who will continue to meet me and form judgments of me. This led to the revival of me writing in my diary again. It’s nice to pick up a pen and actually write. The much slower pace of writing allows one’s thoughts to fully form before they manifest themselves physically. I also kind of started to write snail mail letters again which has become something i look forward to doing except that i’m trying not write too often lest it becomes a nuisance…haha

Every chance I get, I ask myself if i’ve lived a good life and although 1st January 2008 is just going to be another day, it’s somehow life’s way of giving people a chance to close chapters and open new ones.

So have I lived a good 2007?

I think I have. If I could have done anything differently, i’d probably spend a bit more effort taking care of me. But right now, i’ve got all the family and friends who did a great job.

I love y’all…and you.
:p

There’s a little flame in everyone that can become a fire. Don’t extinguish it.

This entry might not make sense to most people…Random reflections on a train…

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"What do I want with my life?"

It’s been quite some time since I last sat back to just think about my life in general. It’s also odd that it’s usually when I’m on a train that I tend to do these self-reflections. I think it has something to do with how the train just whizzes past everything making it so much like how life just seems to zoom right past people without people even realising it.

There’s so much I want to do. So many things about the world I want to change. Yet, I don’t know where to start…Ok, maybe I do. But the realisation that this is something that requires the effort of more than just 1 boy is making me feel immensely isolated. It’s like being in the first couple of episodes of Heroes where you know you have a destiny. You know you’re supposed to meet others like you but you don’t know how, who or when. You just…believe.

"Blind faith" was something someone said to me yesterday while having a conversation about my future plans. In part, I was alerted to the fact that I don’t approach things from a systematic, mechanical perspective. I don’t focus on strategy or models. I focus on vision. I focus on dream. I focus on that intangible part of the human race that makes us do irrational things to achieve impossible tasks.

For some time now, I’ve held on to the belief that if someone is willing to commit his heart to anything, the impossible immediately becomes possible. That said, it means sacrifice becomes part of the equation. How do you know that something is worth that much? How does one know what makes him, or her, tick?

I think some questions are best answered by more questions.

What makes you tick? What keeps you going in the morning? Wrong. What makes you want to live today? If you lost it all - your house, your family, your friends - what would be the one thing that would make you want to live your life still? Truth is, I don’t have the answer. And, mind you, the answers will change at varying points of ones life cycle. But still, that ‘tick’ brings about a tremendous amount of energy that’s intertwined with hope and possibility. That tick is what comes with such an extreme feeling of excitement and joy that to either not find it or to extinguish the possibility of it would be a huge waste.

I want to change the world. I want to be able to read about the dying and the destitute and be able to do something about it quickly. I want to be able to give children, youths and young adults better and more hope-filled education instead of just bringing the reality and brutality of the world into the classrooms. I want to give people hope. Hope that if we all tried to change and improve just one or two other lives in the world, we’d be making the world an immensely better place.

On a personal note, I want to be able to live my life with my friends. Yes, the friends that I’ve made over the first 18 years of my life and the many more to come. The ones who have essentially made me who I am today. It’s just too sad a situation to have people come and go with every transitionary stage of life. Why should junior college friends not be able to meet just because work takes up all their time? Why should work take up all their time anyway? Why can’t we all somehow work together and live our dreams? Is this why they say that life really only begins when you retire? I don’t know. But I don’t want to retire… Instead I want the meaningful things of life to be part of my work…

But where do I begin?
I begin here. At groundzero. Where the action is.

What do I want to do?
Change the world, make it a better place(Yes, just like how Michael Jackson sang it)

So….Will you listen to your heart and let that little nagging flame consume you and become a raging fire that fuels your belief that your dreams are possible? Will you allow yourself to dream?…and perhaps make them come true too?

To Reuben.

When we read the news, it’s always full of tragedy. But ever so often, one will strike closer to home, maybe even closer to heart. A few days ago was one such day when I found out that amongst the 5 dragonboaters that perished, 3 were friends of a good friend of mine - 1 being his best. It moves me so much to see him as he is today trying to remember and trying to immortalise the memory of his friend - Reuben Kee.

I never really knew him although I have him as my facebook ‘friend’. We were both playing BattleStations and he added me as a ‘trading partner’. So it was somehow sad that in some way, we were connected. It was sadder still to see his blog being updated only several days before his competition.

It reminded me of the fragility of life. It reminded me that one day, someone close to me would also be lost…

Yet it reminds me that life must be lived. And while many others deserve mention, I’d like to dedicate this entry to someone I, somehow, would have loved to know. He did so much in his lifetime.

While it is sad that he is gone,
While the time to come is meant to mourn
Let us also remember
Let us also celebrate
That while he was here,
He truly, fulfillingly and inspirationally
Lived.
To Reuben.

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If you’d like to keep his song alive, please either embed the following code in your blog. Feel free to download the file as well. More information about his wake can be found here.

<embed loop="false" autostart="true" hidden="true" height="1" width="1" src="http://www.ridzuan.info/tianhong/BackHomePianoSolo-ReubenKee.mp3"></embed>

Thinking the Dip

I’ve just completed reading “The Dip” by Seth Godin so I thought I might just want to write down the more meaning things that i got from the book…

1. Quitting is precisely what needs to be done so that resources can be freed up for other efforts that could actually result in success. It’s ok to quit.

2. A part that I liked…

“When Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were being chased across the Badlands by Charlie Siringo and agents from Pinkerton’s, Butch kept heading for the hills, for tougher and tougher terrain. Why? Because he knew that in open country, he and Sundance would never have a shot at escape. Only if they got through the impassable hills ahead would there be a chance that the Pinkerton’s guys would quit. The harder it got, the better it was for Butch.But the Pinkerton’s posse persisted. It wasn’t until Butch and Sundance faced certain death that they escaped. Hey it worked in the movie. Your marketplace is competitive, filled with people overcoming challenges every day. It’s the incredibly difficult challenges( the Dips ) that give you the opportunity to pull ahead.

In a competitive world, adversity is your ally. The harder it gets, the better chance you have of insulating yourself from the competition. If that adversity also causes you to quit, though, it’s all for nothing.“

3. On snowboarding

“Snowboarding is a hip sport. It’s fast, exciting, and reasonably priced; and it makes you look very cool. So why are there so few snowboarders? Because learning the basic skills constitutes a painful Dip. It takes a few days to get the hang of it, and, during those few days, you’ll get pretty banged up. It’s easier to quit than it is to keep going.The brave thing to do is to tough it out and end up on the other side - getting all the benefits that come from scarcity. The mature thing is not even to bother starting to snowboard because you’re probably not going to make it through the Dip. And the stupid thing to do is to start, give it your best shot, waste a lot of time and money, and quit right in the middle of the Dip.”

4. Three questions to ask before quitting

• Am I panicking?
• Who am I trying to influence?
• What sort of measurable progress am I making?

5. Deciding in advance when to quit

“Decide before the race the conditions that will cause you to stop and drop out. You don’t want to be out there saying, ‘Well gee, my leg hurts, I’m a little dehydrated, I’m sleepy, I’m tired, and it’s cold and windy.’ And talk yourself into quitting. If you’re making a decision based on how you feel at that moment, you will probably make the wrong decision.” - Dick Collins, ultramarathoner

IQ Tests…

Presently reading the autobiography of Richard Branson…

Amazing chap i tell you…it’s really interesting to see how he was brought up and how that translated to him being the person he is. I like the way he sees the world differently from the rest of the people around him. He’s passionate about things and he has a child-like grip on his dreams and vision.

I especially like this paragraph:-

“But, while neither of these schemes had the effect of making money, they did teach me something about maths. I found that it was only when I was using real numbers to solve real problems that maths made any sense to me. If I was calculating how much a Christmas tree would grow, or how many budgies would breed, the numbers then became real and I enjoyed using them. Inside the classroom I was still a complete dunce at maths. I once did an IQ test in which the questions just seemed absurd. I couldn’t focus on any of the mathematical problems, and I think that i scored about zero. I worry about all the people who have been classified as stupid by these kinds of tests. Little do they know that often these IQ tests have been dreamt up by academics who are absolutely useless at dealing with the practicalities of the outside world. I loved doing real business plans - even if the rabbits did get the better of me.”

On boring lectures and studying…

It’s 12.30pm in the afternoon and you’re sitting in the lecture theatre asking yourself, “What am I doing here?” Your eyes are fluttering and your head seems to be getting too heavy for your neck to support. What do you do?

While many struggle through to survive the lecture and subsequently leaving with little more than the satisfaction of being able to say, “Ok…I was disciplined enough to stay through it”, I say you should walk right out. Better still, grab a few friends who are suffering from the same problem!

What do you do then?

Go for lunch…Go grab a seat at the canteen before the bulk of the lunch crowd gathers to mob the place. After that, go find a corner with your above-mentioned best buddies and self study. In fact, do the tutorials together. Finish up your work. In no time, not only would you have learnt what would have taken you several lectures worth of time and countless hours figuring out what the lecturer said just before you dozed off, you’d also be able to learn in the synergy of a small and focused group.

I did that for a period in time…We even went ahead of the academic schedule.

…I need to start doing it again.