Constructive Deconstruction

Dear Cat

Dear Catharine,
I don’t know why you cried…
When I acted fine…I lied

I don’t know why I ran through the rain,
Maybe it was to run from my pain.

I don’t why despite all the pain, I love you
But really….I do

~Good luck for your test~

Yours,
Ridzy
10.51pm

Its Just not my day…

Dear Diary,

I FINALLY got to get the timezone for this thing right…

Guess what?! This morning right? I woke up and all, then after breakfast, there was like 20 minutes left for me to do anything I wanted to do. So…I decided…why not take a 5 minute nap. It was a good idea. I took my blanket, covered myself and set my countdown to 5 minutes. I slept. Fwah! It was a great feeling. Then I woke up. I looked at the clock…6.47am~! Crap. I was thinking of not going to school but the last time I didn’t go to school, my father wasn’t really very happy. Besides, I’ve clocked an average of 1 absent per month…worst in my entire life so far! Well, so I rushed out of the house and SMS-ed Sayanee(the council vice-president) to take over the announcements for the day.

When I finally got to school…The first person I had to see was…Mrs Cat Ang! Geez, I think was qutie disappointed seeing the council president being late for school!. Anyhow, after that everything was like normal again. I’d just spend every minute either scraping though classes or just ponder over Catharine…Nothing much happened for the entire day.

I guess so far, the biggest and most depressing thing that’s happened is when Cat was tearing(as in those droplets from the eyes). I wanted her to just talk and share…but it just didn’t happen. Its not the first time i’m put in that position…I think she’s just not letting me in…8(

Its like, I hate the feeling of trusting a person so much because you love her yet…you don’t have the guts to tell her…because if you do, you might lose her altogether…And then when she’s down and out, and you want to help her…she doesn’t let you. I feel guilty. I don’t know…I love her……..

Oh well, I think i’d better get out of here before the auntie comes and chases me out of the room(before she locks it up)…

~I’ll write again later…bye~

Yours,
Ridzy
4.51pm

P.S. Oh and on the way back from my friday prayers today…I was drenched coz I decided to RUN back to school. And of all places my class could have for maths tutorial….LT 4!

22nd March 2002

Dear Diary,
Today was a…well….up-and-down day. Weird, I woke up, slacked a whole lot…got to school at like 5 minutes before assembly started. Then as usual the day was well, filled with the usual school terror. I guess I only have myself to blame because I’m the one who always chooses not to do my homework…Then when I think about it, my life cycle really scares me!

1) Wake up
2) Rush to school
3) Go for each lesson in terror coz I din do my homework…
4) Spend my breaks copying homework
5) School ends…Council!
6) Go home…
7) Too tired…sleep
Cycle repeats…

Oh well, That’s how boring my life is I guess…

Ended off my school day today by conducting an electoral committee meeting. Finalised the publicity stuff! Then dismissed em. Record time…45 minutes!

I guess what happened next was what i liked most about today…As we were walkin home, Catharine said that she din feel like going home. Hmm, I felt like asking her out for anything but considering my financial situation now…and the fact that i’ve been trying to get her out for a loooong time…I just din do it. But then as the Yishun(she stays in Sembawang) train was approaching. she made a mention that she was going to board it. Coffee. Well, we went with Samuel too.

Talked about a lot of stuff, I guess i wanted to get to know Samuel better. But Cat was like, always the one that caught my attention(obviously i guess). She’s so beautiful…

Damn, i’m at ‘that’ mood now…lost my mood to write…

Yours,
Ridzy
12.38am