Constructive Deconstruction

Rainbow

Rainbow

A Rainbow,
I walk towards it.
Like the pot of gold beneath,
I never find.

A Leprechaun.
He awaits me.
He fools me.
He toys with me.
He holds my heart hostage.

The Hope.
It strangles my mind
It tortures my soul.
Blindly I move on,
Towards what?
I do not know.
I feel…and I move on…

The Pain.
The journey long.
The skin blisters.
The heart questions.
The mind toils.

Love?
I do not know.
Blind?
I do not know.
Do I love her?
That I know.

But Like a pot of gold.
It draws me.
It fools me.
The hope to find the unfound.

–Ridzuan Ashim(1984 - )

The Book

The Book

Like a book on a grand dusty shelf,
I sit in silence waiting to be found,
Came along a lady, or was she an elf?
She came to me and stood her ground.

She picked me off the old damned rack,
Then schemed the pages of my life,
The contents I bared all to her,
Showed her my soul with all the strife.

Each day when sun would set,
She�d be with me listening to me fret.
My story told,
It was boring, but it was bold.

A favourite I think I was
Like a doll to girl,
or a gun to little boy
rather a toy to any child.

At times the pages proved hard to flip,
But it was her who bothered
And as she tried the truth uncovered.
Understood I was, as was I to understand.

One morning…

The sun refused to shine,
She browsed the shelf.
Passing me
Picking not me
Reading not me

My pages still proved hard to turn,
But now she looks; To turn she does not even try;
So I sit where I am, my heart does burn,
Inside, I begin to cry…

The lady seems gone,
Dying to be read, I am unread.
I guess I am but a book.
A book on a grand dusty shelf.

-Ridzuan Ashim(1984- )

Take Care

Dear Diary,
I just got off the phone with Cat…It was nice to know that someone actually noticed a change in my behaviour over the past week…I didn�t actually think anyone would care. But while I was on the train just now…i got an SMS �boo� then.."Are you Ok?"

After some SMS exchange, I guess she called me(my hp), then I called her back using my telephone and we talked. She said that I probably should take care of myself and not �killing�(not quoting) myself. I don�t think I am. I guess its because Council to me is like some kind of symbol that requires me to give up everything. Well, in any case, at the end of it…I asked her to ask herself the same thing…You know, i realised i�ve been trying to protect her for a long time now…Its like just now she said she wanted to join the webpage comm…and I automatically went like…"No…He�s looking for someone who�s not involved in anything".

Well, I�m really getting tired now…and I still have to write a speech an study chem…Ya noe…it was really nice talking to her…~

Good night…

Yours,
Ridzuan
1.13am

Helpless…

Dear Diary,
I�m in school now. In fact i�ve got class in 10minutes…but i just had to say something…I was sitting around the council room and suddenly, I realised Jas was tearing and geetha was practically crying too. Its not the first time i�m stuck in something like this…Each time I see the people around me fall, the sad realisation that I�m not th ebest person to comfort them just makes me feel like, �You ain�t a friend to anyone Ridz�…It happened when sam broke down, cat, sayanee, havard, chunyong and a lot of other people…I�m beginning to wonder if i�m really �someone� to anyone… For some reason, I think it�s just me and me that makes my world. Sad? worse.

And you know the graduation ball thing? I wanna sit with council..but cat said i�m idealistic. Why? I guess I log again tonight…

Bye Diary…

Yours,
Ridzuan
1.37pm

The World

The World

I dream of you
in my arms
and me in yours
That be the world

…The ground trembling
…mountains crash
…The oceans swirling
…seas rage
…Dark clouds spreading
…Death, pain, despair

You and I
That be the world