Constructive Deconstruction

This Fate That Is Mine

“Welcome…!”, the mindless voice announced.
“Your own personal hell awaits you. You will find it’s design to your own displeasure. Yet Sir, it is a world of your own creation. A world paved with your most intimate desires, a place like no other… Pain & Deceit abound in all its beauty. Yet you shall rise and revel in all its offerings.
To you Sir, the ultimate punishment… For in spite of all the obvious truths before you, you have chosen to love another.
This love, in spite of all it’s true promises, shall remain unreturned, as it is also your choosing to be blind to it’s realities, and this reality shall remain concealed. The ever-consuming fear of rejection shall continue to overwhelm you, and thus Sir; we have no alternative but to make our offering to you this….
You are hereby sentenced to a life of loneliness and heartbreak, a love unreturned. This punishment shall consume and devour you for the remainder of your stay…. Torment your only reward.
This judgement is passed here before you, in the presence of all the lost moments you consciously chose to discard. It saddens this jury to see the goodness installed in you consumed in self-inflicted bitterness and pain, yet it is agreed by all present that your blatant arrogance toward something so sacred shall not remain justified. Herewith Sir, you can consider your fate as final…”
–Michael Archibald

She’s back…and…

Dear Diary,
Like the title for today’s entry suggests, yupz, she’s back from her trip and well, so is shaz(man, he got him past midnight). Spent some time chatting with her online. Was dying to hear her voice but hey…dream on…

Anyway, I think I might have really screwed up her day. I told her to go visit the www.remakingsingapore.gov.sg website and then she went on to say how there was this one discussion that was full of male chauvanistic remarks. So, me being me, went to take a peek at the discussion and what appeared was well mixture of rantings and fact and allegations. Well again, me being me, decided to try to push the neutral its-what-a-forum-is-for standpoint to her. And I failed. I guess, i became too persistent at the end…I was like kind of agitated with how she acts on impulse. Its like, I�ve seen her act so many times based on impulse and sometimes, she says things that are completely contradicting to what she says to me. Sometimes, I don�t know how to feel. I guess, many times, I just feel irritated that she doesn�t seem to always do what she preaches…And she was saying something about wanting to reply to the discussion with something that was completely defensive…and although it had no facts to present, she was like, �I dun care�(although she din post it in the end)… I really don’t know, ya know, i feel like saying, "Dammit! C’mon listen to me! I care too much about you to be able to see you being seen as a irrational person who rants on viewpoints that may actually be valid." Of course, I always feel like saying things to her…but I don’t. Its like doesnt she see that if she gets hurt in any way, she’s not the only one whose gonna have side effects? Dumb question. Of course she doesn’t…You never told her anything ridzuan. I think I�ll post an interesting piece dedicated to myself after I post this entry…

Now, I feel horrible…..
I think i’m not going to sleep tonight….
But you know something…its really nice to know she’s back…

Yours,
Ridzy
3.50am