Constructive Deconstruction

Lullaby of Tears…

July 7, 2002 on 8:08 pm | In Random | No Comments

Dear Diary,
I woke up especially early today. Initially planned to go for a jog and stuff but in the end, I ended up here…checking utopia and just hoping for something to happen.

Yesterday night, I cried myself to sleep again. Its so painful you know to cry each night just thinking about her. I think I could officially say that i’m in depression but then again, sad people always think they’re depressed and I think psychologists seem to agree to anything so long as you keep on going to them(fyi, I haven’t gone to see a shrink, and I don’t plan to). She asked me if I wanted to talk to her about what’s made me feel bad these days. And I told her that I’ve already spoken to shaz. The truth is, I think all shaz knows is that i’m madly in love with her, and that I don’t have the balls to go tell her. The thoughts, nightmares, and daily hauntings…well, they’re all with me. Nevertheless, I told her nothing. I think I talk to much. For some reason, I think my friendships with people all seem to revolve around sad things. Its as if they all choose to be there when I’m sad. And that makes me think they only pity me. And pity isn’t friendship. Oh hell, I don’t know what i’m saying anymore…I think I’ll write an entry to Cat soon…One that she’ll never see…

Thanks for always being here diary…

Yours,
Ridzuan
8.08pm