Constructive Deconstruction

Its been a long week…

July 27, 2002 on 9:05 pm | In Random | No Comments

Dear Diary,
It’s Saturday once more…The week’s been really long with a lot of things happening. I think the most major being the Fish thing. Ya know something, Cat gave me a card on Monday. Heh, nice. Anyway, fish read it and based on some past shit, he told me to tell her to fuck off. Fuck him. I don’t care if he’s had a bad day, or week, or month, or if his entire life’s been fucked up…She doesn’t deserve that. Its odd. I talked to Q about most of the things. Even brought up Jas Loh into the picture. And he tried to talk sense into me. Its really odd. The only way to observe Jas Loh seems to be by critically positioning yourself as ‘present’ but invisible. But Q kind of tells me that by doing that, i’m biased. Another of course is to get to know her. I got close to her before and the truth is, she does seem to be exert subtle influence over you…and when you consciously refuse, she responds rather…sarcastically.

I’m still struggling now. I think of all the people, Q and my father are the two people who put the concept of friendship into perspective. In both cases, true friendship at many times transcends logic. The Brain Vs The Heart. The Heart wins. The Brain’s job is to keep you alive. But Q tried to make me see logic(which I saw). Believe jasmine or Cat? My faith is in cat…Jasmine lied to me. She could have made a mistake. But between them both. I trust cat. You think i’m biased right? Because I love her? I do love her. And loving and trusting someone is all about faith right? Just like how all the religions in the world knows there’s a god. They don’t. Its just pure faith. I love cat. And that’s where I put my trust…

I had two dreams of her this week. In both, I guess we kind of got attached. It was the most wonderful feeling I ever got. But it was a dream…That’ll probably never come true…

I love you cat. I just wish you knew what you are to me…

Yours,
Ridzuan
9.05pm