Constructive Deconstruction

Do I hold you accountable?

July 24, 2006 on 9:06 pm | In Personal Rants | No Comments

I feel compelled to write this after reading a certain entry…Let me tell you a little about my personal dilemmas..One that has being plaguing me for a long time now.

I am person who values the importance of a person’s character. I don’t care if you’re smart, or stupid, or rich, or poor. You must have integrity. You must have honour. As such, I expect no less of that for myself.

I am recovering from a relationship. In this entire recovery process, I realise that i get the same feelings of attraction to certain people that I now meet and work with. But I dare not act upon these emotions for fear that it would dilute the value of my character.

What would my words to my ex girlfriend mean, "I will love you come what may. I will love you even if you leave. I will love you…forever."
It constantly plays in my head, "If I love another, what is the value of my word?"

I have come to realisation that this is life. And we can only expect to act upon reasonable circumstances. My ex who broke up with me cannot expect me to hold those words up high now that she chose to end our relationship. And as such, I may not. She shall not hold me accountable for happens now, and I shall not do the same either.

And this is where I lose my temper, writing this entry without the approval that I so honestly should get before clicking "Publish"….

I watched for many months how my best friend struggled through the remnants of his relationship turning from the leader that he is to a pathetic foolish idiot. He crawled, bawled, begged, cried, you name it. He did it. He was so fucking pathetic when he was left in the lurch for the upteenth time just because his partner felt angry and thus acted to break up impulsively.  Many of tried to comfort him to ask him to move on…But he didn’t. He even wrote a beautiful entry on how he felt. And still…she was cold. It crushed him.

And now she wants him back. And now she’s wondering if his lovely promises are something that reflects his character?

What right does she have to do that? What right do you have to hold another person accountable for their words when you took him for granted, threw him away at the whim of your tantrums? You have no right. And what saddens and angers me is that you fail to see the selfishness of your actions, your thoughts - so immature, childish, tantrum filled.

I am so pissed just being a bystander.
And I must write this, even if its just to get it out of my system. And I don’t care if it’s a balanced and fair statement. You have a right to an opinion and the expression of it and so do i.

"You left him. And like all the times, you expected him to come crawling back to you. This time, he didn’t. That must have shocked you. You wanted him back. And he didn’t bite the bait. And now things crumble….But remember, you left him."

I have only 1 advice: Think about your impulsive acts. Sometimes, they don’t give you a second chance…better still…don’t expect one.