Constructive Deconstruction

Good night.

January 13, 2007 on 2:35 am | In Personal Rants | No Comments

2.13am

This week has been a nice week. I unofficially took time off from work and just focused on trying to be a student - getting my facts about the semester’s requirements right and spending time with the friends that I should be spending more time with…It’s been like getting close to dream. And now waking up and being in that state of pseudo-awareness.

Today was Zhaike’s birthday and it was nice to be part of the mini-celebration thing. You know it would be really cool to be in their clique(Actually any clique would be cool I guess). But I especially think their clique is cool because they have such a range of people. JC and Poly students. Singaporeans, Malaysians, PRCs. Even their characters are so diverse. But they stick together. That feeling of going through something big in your life with a group of people is a feeling that is not something I get anymore…

I know it’s very pathetic to be in this state of melancholy yet I can’t help but wish for some things in my life to be different. I wish I could walk this path with people who actually understand how I feel. People who know who I really am. My fears, my vulnerabilities. The innermost me is someone that is so reclusive that sometimes I wonder if i’m even real.

I was on the bus with mag leaving campus and…I’m not sure why…but i started talking about how I do this for family, friends(people I care about) and sacrifice and how I can only hope that I’m doing the right thing. Hah, At some point…i swear, I thought I wanted to tear about it. Haha. Madness.

Have my emotions become so self-contained that i’m simply imploding?

Sometimes I wish I never tasted love.

When you fall in love…cherish each other. It’s not a game. It’s like a war. There will be collateral damage. Innocents will be lost. Heroes will emerge. But seek to win. To live through those tough sacrifices and stand tall at the end of it all. And for the fallen…honour them simply…by not forgetting who they were - people. young. and innocent.

What the fuck am I talking about? I dunno la. I’m just feeling damn pathetic right now. 2.34am. i think i’ve reached that stage where I wake up from a nice dream…and finally realise that it was a dream.

Good night.