Constructive Deconstruction

Jitters

Jitters
by Ridzuan

Independent thoughts running through my head

Asking me if I can perform when the
Metal meets the meat

Should I feel afraid?
Can I withstand the pressure of being where I am?
All signs point to the
Ravenous need to go beyond the norm
Emancipating the world, and making it go through
Deconstruction.

Note To Self

Note To Self
by Ridzuan

Incessant ramblings in the mid of night

Ramblings that remain very much incoherent
Echoing thoughts that mean nothing
Meaning everything
Other than the logical reasoning that
Vary us from another
Entertaining the curious minds and
Destroying those already in chaos

How does one survive?
Each must find his purpose by
Reaching deep into the heart.

Frolic in the dreams
Rage in the anger
Oppress not those fantasies
Mimic those who dare.

Mindless living brings only chaos
Singing noise into the already confused
Nothing more.

And if must forget, this was an important day worth remember in my life for I made 2 mistakes in the span of 2 hours. Both potentially…life-wrecking.

11.30pm Update

It’s gonna be one heck of a blood rush

So here I am…12 hours away from my first paper with only half of the semester’s notes printed(not entirely looked at…dont even mention the other half)

I’ve decided to start doing serious work to at least read through all the 450 odd powerpoint slides that I still have…

As of 8.30pm(that’s 15minutes from now) i’ll disconnect all forms of communication, except email(but i’ll only check that a few times a day).

Of course, I have other work to do so i’ll still be back online for an hour or two every day but i doubt i’ll be blogging much or being on MSN(unless i feel the need to stalk certain people lol)

I’ll still be working on VillageTalk and stuff so although i’ll disappear, chances are xsmatter will be updated more often than it is now…heh

SO…if you need to contact me, call me.

Till then, good luck for all your papers. It’s gonna be one heck of a bloodrush.

On VillageTalk

Hey guys!
I’m not sure how many people i’ve told about the VillageTalk event that i was planning for….well, i need your support to shape the thing up so please help by giving me your thoughts on the Wiki ya?

Thanks!

Click Here to go to VillageTalk Entry on XSMatter
Click Here to go to Wiki

Ramblings of a boring mind.

I’m here in Milennia Walk Starbucks. I really prefer the previous venue, before they shifted into the building…it had more personal space.

Now that they’ve moved into the hallway of the main building, it’s so open that you can really concentrate on studying…which probably explains why i’m here blogging instead of studying. And yes, I have like 66 hours left. crap.

Meme : My Face On “A Shower Glass”

Tribute: Virginia Tech

A dream

I had a dream last night.

All my friends were occupying two long tables placed parallel to each other. It was nice seeing all of them. But one caught my attention. Yes, it was her. she sat at the other table not looking at me. In fact, she wasn’t even moving. It was as if she was frozen in time like a piece of past memory cast into stone.

Silent.

And then I woke up.

When Tragedy Strikes Far From Home But Close To The Heart

It’s interesting to see the reaction of the world and the locals with respect to the entire shooting incident over in the US. From people feeling angry(myself included), to those that just want to say, It’s over move on to those who feel angry because everyone seems so fixated that they think people are not concerned over other treacherous acts overseas.

I’d like to talk about why this feels closer to me than I thought it was.

You see, I had 2 stints over in Virginia(I stayed in Waynesboro but traveled around nevertheless). Both times I had the opportunity to make good friends in school as well as met great teachers. In fact, being there you’ll see why the community is such a peaceful, happy community. 4 years ago, before I entered National Service, I even wrote to my teacher there telling her that I was considering going back to VA to further my studies. It was unfortunate that after getting her reply, we lost touch presumably because she moved and doesn’t use email.

When I heard about the shootings, and saw the reports, it struck close to me. I know that some of my friends would be in VT. I felt like it was a tragedy that didn’t just strike VT, but all universities. Thankfully, based on the names that have been released thus far, none of them are people that I know.

I began to realize that I see myself more of a global citizen than anything else.

It angers me that someone could be so selfish as to cause so much pain. I know there’s always psychological analysis and religion to explain all of this but, seriously, do you really think that matters? It’s easy for all those who came forward to speak to me to say that, but are we distancing ourselves too much from the reality of the world that we live in? Are we trying to hide behind the veil of ‘fate’ and science to make it seem like this is something that won’t happen to us?

What I think irritates me other than the situation itself is how people ultimately are getting upset with each other. And I really need to get this off my chest because it’s bugging me a lot. These are merely my opinions, we can talk about it. We should actually. Please disagree. Please agree. Just don’t keep quiet about it.

1.    People getting angry with people who are angry over the incident.
How can you invalidate a person’s anger? Don’t you think that it’s utterly insensitive? When such a tragic event occurs how could anyone say that those who feel for the situation are “too angry”. Has anyone gone up to you when you’re angry and tell you, “Hey, you know you shouldn’t feel angry.” ? While in all rational sense, it’s important to take a step back, remain calm and composed, analyse and come to a logical conclusion…how realistic is that? The expression of anger is really a cathartic process. It helps people to deal with the situation…so long as it doesn’t result in violence.

2.    People who think that the event is over and say we should just move on and not dwell on who the shooter was and try to understand why he did what he did.
I think this would be a huge mistake. The last thing I think people should do when things go wrong is just walk away. It leaves too much left unanswered. These lack of answers end up being filled by products of wild imaginations. People should talk about it. His work should be shown. His thought processes explained. Only aspects of his life that involved his other family members should be kept private(because it wouldn’t be fair to them). But he is the character that is responsible for this. It should be fair game.

3.    People who think that people have stopped caring about the rest of the world’s treachery.
It’s not fair to say this. Really. The media can only cover so much at any one time. I’d say that that poverty in 3rd world nations definitely requires more attention but does that mean every other tragedy in small home towns and such should be left unreported, unfelt for? And even if we were to list all the killings that are worthy of mourning, how then should we feel?
Being affected by one event doesn’t mean people care less about other events that transpire.

All in all, I think I feel strongly because it seems to strike close to my heart. And for many others around the world, it’s because it was another school that was struck by Life’s hand of misfortune. When it’s children(students included) that get killed, we naturally react more strongly.

The anger will blow over.
The dust will settle.
The event will be relegated to the archives.

And what matters will be what we do from here…