Constructive Deconstruction

This is why I’m Single

June 11, 2007 on 5:06 pm | In Note To Self | 8 Comments

"I, you know, I don’t know if I can describe it, I don’t know if you could ever really describe why you love somebody or why you are committed to somebody, but, you know, I thought we complemented each other in lots of ways, but I also thought that, um, we cared deeply about a lot of the same things. I mean, it’s real corny. It wasn’t as corny 20 years ago as it is for some people now to say that, Bill and I really are bound together in part because we believe we have an obligation to give something back and to be part of making life better for other people." -Hillary Clinton on her relationship with Bill Clinton in a 1992 interview

Reading that from "The Choice" by Bob Woodward. It feels like an uncannily familiar feeling i’ve had for a friend of mine for the longest time. Anyhow, i write this because I’m on the topic of relationships, friendships and professionalism…

I had tea with my family at Vivo delifrance yesterday and somewhere during the conversations that transpired was my mom tell me that she can help me find a girlfriend if I wanted her help. At that juncture, I was stuck between laughing my socks off and feeling insulted that i’m seen as such a mommy’s boy. Either way, I told my parents, "I want a girl that’s driven. Not CEO kind of driven because then she’s always be trying to override me just because she’s got to be better than I am. Instead, I want someone that’s executive kind of driven…without that super strong conviction of chasing after her own dream - simply because her own is vague. Vague enough to fuse with mine. But strong enough to not be so weak."

That really got me thinking. What kind of girl do I really want? What’s my idea of a relationship? After my previous relationship, it really redefined my priorities. And I think it would be prudent that I write these out. I think I shall list them…

1. A person’s dream is what defines him. I must not compromise in this area. If someone falls for me, it’s largely because of that idealism that I represent - that impossible dream that i’m also trying to realise. If I lose my dream, I would become a different person..and in that, the relationship would fail for I would no longer be who she fell for. She will accept me and the madness that I am - complete with the emo moments and inspirational speeches.

2. I would so love for both of us to be pillars for each other to lean on…but…we would both have to stand on our own two feet. No standing on each other’s feet…although I suspect, we’d step on each other’s toes from time to time.

3. Don’t take it too seriously. If she’s going to leave, she’ll leave sooner or later. But for me, i’ll give it all I have while she’s around. No regrets.

4. She must want to live more than anything else. It’s not enough to settle. Not enough that she wants to just get by. She has to want to look out far beyond the horizon. Maybe even take a step out into the unknown. If she doesn’t want to live, she’s going to have it really tough trying to understand me and it’s hard enough trying to do that even if you’re driven to live. Besides, I can’t bear someone simply tolerating me. If you love, love. If don’t, it’s ok. I’ll survive.

At this point, I’m not sure if i’m being realistic anymore. But then again, I’ve never been realistic now have I?

P.S. after tea with my family, we went to Daiso at Vivo where I saw so many Japanese babies. They were cute. But I realised their mommies were so cute too! Omg! This feels so wrong! What makes it worse is I didn’t see their husbands with them…lol