Constructive Deconstruction

Finding The Original Idea

July 6, 2007 on 5:12 am | In Reflections | 5 Comments

My eyelids are drooping and head feels heavy. It doesn’t help that i’m sitting on my bed and it’s 5am in the morning. The daily re-runs of Ellen DeGeneres is over and i’m left to fend for myself against the lifeless, quiet world around.

I’m working on the London timezone. I sleep through the mornings when I get the chance and miss eating a proper breakfast of toasted bread with butter and sugar. Tomorrow would be special because there’s wholemeal bread to toast instead of the normal white bread. Life would be simple like this. To write and blog and maybe get paid. Travel and take photos.

I was talking to a friend several weeks back about how lonely I feel sometimes. Yet i’m picky with my friends and picky with my life partner. Yet I know i’m not normal. I’m not after being normal. I was writing in my journal trying to figure out what this phase of my life meant and I found it. It’s about finding the original idea. Re-thinking about the show A Beautiful Mind about John Nash it struck me how I’m doing the same thing - refusing to carry on someone else’s work but instead wants to create something new…something original…something that’s vastly non-conventional yet world-changing.

It stresses me out sometimes because I don’t think something like that is easily found. It feels worse when I wonder if I’m even capable of that.

I wish I could write better so that I could write articles that inspire and make people think. I really enjoy writing and reading because I think it’s a beautiful art that allows the imagination to run wild.

And it worries me that people don’t write enough or read enough because then they don’t see the world in their heads…they don’t imagine…and then…then they don’t dream.