Constructive Deconstruction

There’s a little flame in everyone that can become a fire. Don’t extinguish it.

December 5, 2007 on 12:37 am | In Reflections | 1 Comment

This entry might not make sense to most people…Random reflections on a train…

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"What do I want with my life?"

It’s been quite some time since I last sat back to just think about my life in general. It’s also odd that it’s usually when I’m on a train that I tend to do these self-reflections. I think it has something to do with how the train just whizzes past everything making it so much like how life just seems to zoom right past people without people even realising it.

There’s so much I want to do. So many things about the world I want to change. Yet, I don’t know where to start…Ok, maybe I do. But the realisation that this is something that requires the effort of more than just 1 boy is making me feel immensely isolated. It’s like being in the first couple of episodes of Heroes where you know you have a destiny. You know you’re supposed to meet others like you but you don’t know how, who or when. You just…believe.

"Blind faith" was something someone said to me yesterday while having a conversation about my future plans. In part, I was alerted to the fact that I don’t approach things from a systematic, mechanical perspective. I don’t focus on strategy or models. I focus on vision. I focus on dream. I focus on that intangible part of the human race that makes us do irrational things to achieve impossible tasks.

For some time now, I’ve held on to the belief that if someone is willing to commit his heart to anything, the impossible immediately becomes possible. That said, it means sacrifice becomes part of the equation. How do you know that something is worth that much? How does one know what makes him, or her, tick?

I think some questions are best answered by more questions.

What makes you tick? What keeps you going in the morning? Wrong. What makes you want to live today? If you lost it all - your house, your family, your friends - what would be the one thing that would make you want to live your life still? Truth is, I don’t have the answer. And, mind you, the answers will change at varying points of ones life cycle. But still, that ‘tick’ brings about a tremendous amount of energy that’s intertwined with hope and possibility. That tick is what comes with such an extreme feeling of excitement and joy that to either not find it or to extinguish the possibility of it would be a huge waste.

I want to change the world. I want to be able to read about the dying and the destitute and be able to do something about it quickly. I want to be able to give children, youths and young adults better and more hope-filled education instead of just bringing the reality and brutality of the world into the classrooms. I want to give people hope. Hope that if we all tried to change and improve just one or two other lives in the world, we’d be making the world an immensely better place.

On a personal note, I want to be able to live my life with my friends. Yes, the friends that I’ve made over the first 18 years of my life and the many more to come. The ones who have essentially made me who I am today. It’s just too sad a situation to have people come and go with every transitionary stage of life. Why should junior college friends not be able to meet just because work takes up all their time? Why should work take up all their time anyway? Why can’t we all somehow work together and live our dreams? Is this why they say that life really only begins when you retire? I don’t know. But I don’t want to retire… Instead I want the meaningful things of life to be part of my work…

But where do I begin?
I begin here. At groundzero. Where the action is.

What do I want to do?
Change the world, make it a better place(Yes, just like how Michael Jackson sang it)

So….Will you listen to your heart and let that little nagging flame consume you and become a raging fire that fuels your belief that your dreams are possible? Will you allow yourself to dream?…and perhaps make them come true too?