Constructive Deconstruction

Of old wounds healed but not forgotten.

January 26, 2008 on 7:58 am | In Reflections | 2 Comments

Several months ago, I stumbled upon the facebook profile of the sibling of an old friend of mine. We’d probably met several times before and so I decided to click that “add” button. I don’t know why I did it considering I wasn’t very close to her.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a response. I had even genuinely asked how things were coming along. I figured, she must have clicked the ‘ignore’ button.

Somehow it saddens me.

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If you’re wondering why the dark theme, I’m in a rather sorry state right now. Professionally, things are going really well. I get my job done, I put on a smile, I strut around as if nothing in the world mattered more than pursuing ideas of world domination. Along the way, I even try to help people achieve theirs. Once in a while, I even want to give back to society.

But the truth is, I’m becoming increasingly isolated. I’ve become extremely envious of my own friends who are so much closer to each other than I am to them. It reminds me of a time when I had a good friend. He was someone I confided much of my worries with. Alas, a time came when it became rather clear that such regard was one-way.

It was then that I realised that just because someone is my friend doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m theirs.

It was a sad realisation.

And somehow it’s something i’m re-feeling all over again…I was deeply saddened when a good friend of mine and I had a miscommunication of sorts and he insinuated that I only went for events to network. Sure. That has some truth. I do go to events for work so that I can get in touch with people from similar industries. But we were talking about my closest friends here. For someone from the inside to make such a suggestion, it just crushed me.

It was then that I came to a few more disappointing realisations about the nature of my relationships with the people that mattered most to me…

Perhaps it’s a result of everyone moving on to a new phase in their lives.
Or maybe it’s just how different our lifestyles are.
Or it could be that it’s just how things are meant to be.

Either way, the part of me that matters most seems to be becoming more isolated. Compartmentalised. Like a beautifully locked box with a brittle key.

Note: I know I’d private entries that were accessible to certain registered users. Well, I’ve stopped blogging private entries and have instead taken my private blogging elsewhere and under a pseudonym. Sorry. I needed my anonymity back.