Constructive Deconstruction

In primary school, you learn that some kids don’t have to study that hard to get number one in class. Those are the smart kids. Also, boys at that age are too immature to know how to show their affection towards you. Instead of writing you cards, they tend to call you names, just to get your attention.

Then at secondary school, you have to decide which clique of friends to join, since there are so many different types– the low-profile, the punks, the bullies (both male and female), the studious and the playful. It is also at that stage that you start getting seriously interested in the opposite sex. Love letters would be passed around, secret glances and gossips galore.

Moving on to college, some of your relatives might have passed away. Some of them could be close and dear to you. You become part of the group that will mourn for the departed. Your name appears in the obituary section as one of those who will miss the deceased. You become more concerned about your future career life. The pressure kicks in. You wonder if you will grow up useful at all.

And along the way, you will see or hear things that you know you can never repeat to some of the people closest to your heart. You carry it like a weight, a burden. You wish you could burst out and say what it is. You yearn to confront the secret itself and make it less shameful, less worrying. But because it is a dark secret, you can only carry it alone.

You, the lonely bearer.